Ever since Luke left, I have started spending lots of time on the internet. I'm trying not to watch movies that we both want to see and we don't get TV stations, so once the kids go to bed I either read or go online. One thing I like to do is read blogs and there is one post I read recently that really boggled my mind: I Am Not, It Turns Out on C Jane Enjoy It. It was about whether the author identifies herself as a feminist based on this definition: If you believe in, support, look fondly on, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist.
The author's view was that it is impossible to achieve equality because a husband and wife are too different and that they would spend all their time trying to make things equal instead of enjoying their marriage. I totally disagree with that perspective, but what really got to me were the comments that people made. There are currently over 500 comments, about half from people who agree and half from people who disagree. By the way, the author and many of her readers are Mormon.
The original post and several comments in agreement said that women aren't equal with men, they are better. Several said that feminists were men-hating and just wanted to put that sex down. So the argument against feminists is that they think they are better than men, but we shouldn't have equality because women are better than men? What?
But there was one comment that really threw me:
"I don't get the "feminist movement". Really? In the last 100 years or so, we've decided there needs to be a movement...do we really think women were SO bad off before? No! We were, for the most part, right were we wanted to be. Supposed to be! I don't believe my husband is my equal, I believe I am HIS helper but he treats me with respect, loves me and consults me on almost everything."
This is just one example, but there were several comments that echoed this same thought. “I’m here to serve my husband and God made it that way so I don’t have a problem with my inequality.” Okay, I know that I’m lucky and have one of the most awesome husbands in the world, but is that really something that people believe anymore? The Proclamation on the Family emphasizes that a man and woman should be equal partners in a marriage. And the most important work we do for God is to serve others, something that men and women can do equally well. We are taught that we can become God and Goddesses, not Gods and First Ladies. Maybe I’m totally clueless, but I’ve always found the gospel to be very empowering for women. There are some things I find a little disconcerting, but what I’ve absorbed in my 29 years of being a Mormon is that God created men and women to be equals and has given us the capacity to be amazing in all areas of our lives, not just in certain roles.
And that is what feminism means to me. It means valuing the God-given talents of women and allowing them to reach their full potential. 100 years ago women couldn’t vote. Now we’ve got women running for president and being taken seriously. Feminists of the past fought hard for the rights that we take for granted. Things were that bad before, and they are still that bad for so many women. I’m a grateful feminist. And I want to do my part to continue to push for the equality of women worldwide. Right now my contribution is to raise strong little girls who know their worth and who will take advantage of the opportunities they have available. Hopefully someday I can do more beyond my own family.
So yes, I do believe in, support, look fondly on, and work towards equality of the sexes. I see myself as my husband’s equal and we both still very much enjoy our marriage. :)
7 comments:
Bethany,
Funny, we were just talking about this tonight too! Thank you so much for that post! I absolutely agree. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way... or the only one that has a hard time with the types of comments you mentioned.
I think it is great to be a feminist and I think the definition you gave is right on! So heres to being a Woman... and loving your Husband as a partner and an equal and each developing and celebrating each others divine gifts and qualities =]!
I agree totally with your take on "feminism". It bothers me though that believing in equality has to be labeled feminism...shouldn't that just be common sense/fairness? It is unsettling how many women feel the way as that woman who you quoted feel...it is attitudes like that which allowed women to be subjugated into a position where a feminist movement would be necessary to grant women basic rights.
I really enjoyed this post and totally agree with you! I'm excited to check that blog out and read some of the comments. I'm sure it'll fire me up, too!
The story about G gave me a good laugh. What a nut!
Heather, I know, it is just common sense!
The reason that this bothered me so much is because so many people have this notion of Mormon women being oppressed. When I was going to school/working in Virginia, just about every time someone found out I was a Mormon, they would say, "But you're not a practicing Mormon, right?" When I would say that I was, they'd say, "How did you get your husband to let you do this?" So it really frustrates me when I see stuff like this. Of course we believe in equality. Not "sameness," but feminism isn't about sameness, and especially not this particular definition. Sigh.
I think that my time in other countries where women are seriously oppressed has made me see "feminism" as something different than what most people associate it with. I think that the definition that Bethany shares is perfect. It is that a woman should not be limited because of her sex and that neither should a man. Most importantly that we should be treated as equals. There are obvious differences between men and women, but sex should not determine somebody's capability or potential.
If you really want to be equal to a man, you're going to have to start farting louder, growing more belly/back hair, scratching your butt more, watching more sports, learn to burp your ABC's, do your hair in 15 seconds, learn to look like your listening to your spouse go on and on when you're really just thinking about how awesome that huge fart was you let out earlier, and most important, pick your nose and wipe the booger on the couch somewhere where nobody will ever find it.
Well, shoot, if I'd known that you were looking for those things in a wife, I'd have found one for you a lot sooner. I've got some awesome prospects for you.
And NOBODY farts as good as my little Strawberry. So there.
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