Apple is in a phase. She's learning to exert her independence and be her own person, separate from her family. I understand that and I love it. But holy smokes, this phase is wearing me out. She is so stubborn. And the parenting suggestions don't work on her. She will refuse to get out of time out after it's over. I give her choices, and she rejects all of them. Right now our biggest issue (as I've mentioned before) is clothes. This morning she told me she didn't want to wear long pants because it was too hot, but she didn't like any of the shorts we had because they didn't look good, and she didn't want to wear a skirt because her legs were the wrong color and she doesn't want to show them. What on earth am I supposed to do with that? There was nothing left. I've decided that she is going to be a lawyer. She's really good at coming up with arguments against everything I say. This is a positive attribute right?
I feel like her real problem isn't clothes (obviously), but an inability to communicate. Strawberry could talk about her feelings at a really young age and so even though she went through this, it wasn't quite as intense or long-lasting. I don't know how to help her. I try to help her talk about things, but whoever she starts talking about her feelings, she starts baby-talking and getting quieter and withdrawing. It's so awful not knowing how to help your kid. We went through this a little bit when Luke was deployed. The girls all started acting up, but you can't punish your kids when the source of their behavior is sadness and loss. This doesn't have such an obvious source, but it is still based somewhere else. Maybe it's just feeling powerless; maybe it is a whole bunch of different pressures. And sending her to timeouts and grounding her and taking away privileges doesn't fix anything, it just makes it worse because she has more reason to be upset and frustrated.
It's just really hard to see my sweet, happy girl like this. She is still sweet and happy most of the time, but she gets very angry and upset. I am sure she will grow out of it. Strawberry did. But I just hope in the meanwhile that I don't damage my relationship with her. I guess that is what I'm most afraid of. I know too many people that have awful relationships with their families and I'm terrified of that. I know it is a little silly to worry about that with a 6-year-old, but I know that when there are other stressors on the family (like being in the Navy and moving all the time), the relationships can be a little more fragile. And I wonder, if I can't handle 6-year-old rebellion in a positive way, how on earth am I going to manage 16-year-old rebellion? Yipes. Actually, by the time she is 16, Luke will be out of the military and will be the stay-at-home parent while I work overtime to get Strawberry through college. Never mind. He'll have to deal with it, not me. Phew.
3 comments:
It is tough to try to figure out how to handle all the things that are part of trying to raise children. And your previous experience with the older children don't help much because each child is so different. She is precious and it is wonderful that you and Luke recognize that and love her so much. I love the picture.
I have noticed with Mango especially that what worked with one kids won't necessarily work with the others. It's so frustrating! :)
I so agree with MangusColorado Tribe. Child are all different. I used to wish that I had been given a manual for each child when they had been born, but then neither one of us would have grown as much if it had been that easy. She's a great girl and just hang in there. Talking about hanging in there, I often thought of teenage years, though I know she isn't a teenager yet, like riding a bucking bronco. It's an exciting ride, but you just hang on for dear life and don't let go! So just hang in there, the Lord will help you figure it out. He wants you and she to succeed.
Grandma Cowley
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